And sometimes doing what you were made to do, requires doing other things you actually weren’t meant to do in order to be able to do what you were made and meant to do. It requires wearing different hats. Lots of em. All at the same time. Well knowing that some look better than others. Some are too small and make you look real stupid. Some will fall off. Some look fantastic. But for the time being, wearing them all. Lots of them. All at the same time. Hats. Lots. Same time.
It means talking about things that are hard and things that you need help with. Admitting you need help with. It sometimes involves crying and feeling inadequate and talking about crying and feeling inadequate. On your floor. Like a little pansy. It oftentimes, fortunately or unfortunately, takes vulnerability.
But sometimes, it takes extreme confidence, over confidence that in the moment, just seems real and actually not over confident at all. It takes an extreme, almost blind certainty. Those are the moments you try and hold on to because the doubtful, vulnerable moments, much like this one, can come quick, within the day, within the hour.
It takes lots of encouragement. It takes lots of criticism. Lots of both. One sucks more than the other. One’s better for you though. And it’s the one that sucks more.
It requires lots of drinks and lots of coffees and lots of “meetings.” Often with people who are fantastic. And unfortunately, sometimes with people that are just on a different page. Which is fine too. Lots of coffee. Lots of drinks. Some coffees lead to another coffee. Others don’t. Which again, is fine.
It takes diligence and time. It takes being a hustler. But not calling yourself one. Because if I were really a hustler would I have time to be talking about being a hustler? No, I’d be too busy hustling. Hustlin’. It takes more than just instagramming nice photos and blogging long blog posts. It requires asking real photographers with real cameras and real writers with real craft for help.
It requires explaining and asking and collaborating and building and redoing and.
Well, and it takes faith.
Because if you don’t have faith, what’s going to keep it going when it’s hard? Like it was tonight. What’s going to keep it going when you have to sell clothes to make rent? Like I had to do last week. What’s going to keep it going when you want to give up and get a stupid job, at a stupid desk, with a stupid title and stupid corporate business card? Like I sometimes think would be better. And by better, I mean easier.
But easy isn’t hard.
Easy isn’t wearing hats. Easy isn’t being vulnerable or asking for help or being criticized to be better. Easy isn’t diligence or time well spent or doing and redoing and explaining and asking and growing.
Easy isn’t hard. Easy isn’t better. And I want to be better. I want to work hard and be diligent and do well and learn and grow.
All for the sake of doing what I was meant to do.